Petalism
by GipLai9S
Summary: Enrolled by surprise to the Officer's Academy, Gippal strives to uncover the visions that haunt him while navigating school life with peers that distrust him. Furthermore, there are people who are interested in using him. Will he flourish and rise or will he fall and decay?
1. Dispossession

**A/N:**

I do not own Fire Emblem Three Houses nor Final Fantasy X-2.

This is a crossover that will have a psychological focus, daily things, angst, romance, some drama and action. I welcome feedback as my forte is poetry and this is my first serious attempt at narrative fiction.

I will not be following either games storyline directly, but some elements will appear.

I thank you for investing your time in reading this!

* * *

Chapter 1: Dispossession

Falling. _How did I get to the state where I fall and fall and fall?_ Everything is black around me, yet I see these colorful blobs showing up and vanishing. Subtle tones of dark purple, spidery webs of silver gray, royal blue and forest green interwoven like silk threads. _It's the feeling I get when I'm trying to fake a nap. But it isn't, so I'm dreaming?_

I dreamt of withering white flower petals drifting without purpose. Allergic to the ground. I knew this scent that was repulsive to most because of their origin—yet soothing for me. This is what we give to people who lose someone they care about. Seashell buds surrounded me and as they bloomed, their petals were ripped and as they withered, I settled in peaceful grief in the embrace of death's scent.

People are repulsed by them. The intoxicating smell they produce is like the one that settles into the rituals of sending the deceased into their sleep. That's the beauty of it. A comforting aroma for the greatest pain in life. A comforting aroma that nudges us to realize that it will be our turn soon.

Gardenias remind me of my humanity and fragility. They will constantly remind me of what has been done to us, and how we were shunned away from the mainland into the deserted island. Though they evoke the pain of being erased from history and its maps they also gave us the strength to persevere and live on. As such, everywhere I found myself going I was shunned and set aside. Ostracized like garbage. I wanted thick skin; I wanted to numb and become invulnerable. I wanted to be stand among the dead. I wanted to die yet live on.

My people have lost their homes to war, sandstorms and entities that are not entirely describable. They get back up and carry on. My disposition was like those in the mainland—I lacked the impulse to live. It seemed like most of the time I was lost in my mind. My mother noticed this when I reached late adolescence as my body just forgot it had to live and would shut down for several days. Yet it gave her hope when I had these spells of limitless energy that instilled me with vivacity and curiosity towards the world. I did not understand. I still do not understand.

Flower buds caught my attention as they materialize and float in the sky to die off. Much like human life that blooms and despairs without notice. Pieces of petals started dropping and swirling. I noticed that I was not standing on solid ground, rather on blackness. I wanted to wake up. I tried to will myself away from sleep as I do other times, but I just stood there. My body resisting any semblance of control my conscience has over it. I didn't understand why I was being surrounded by the scent of death, why the sensation of peace was starting to abandon me. This is entirely different, something I haven't experienced.

_Maybe you have, you just numbed it away like you usually do. What other reason could I have to be here? Dreams are things leftover in your mind and your brain just tries to organize them coherently. Or is it something that I am running from that is catching up with me?_

This uneasy sensation of my heart just beating savagely like it usually does when you run away from a wild beast, this tight hold over my forehead, the trembling of my limbs and the heaviness accompanying my body from excessive breathing just felt weird. This wasn't me. I've never felt this weird before. It didn't make sense to me.

The petals started to fade. Death's embracing scent vanished. I saw my body become ethereal and absent. I tried to reach my right hand to my cheekbone, and I did not feel it clasp against my skin. It went through. I could not see it anymore. I could not see anything anymore. I may have lost myself in this world.

A mantle of darkness fell.

* * *

Blistering sun, heavy legs, weary eyes. Walking forward without destination—a futile activity. I have given up on everything. I feel that this world is not going to change. We have been etched to the side. Specks of dust reflected in bloody sunlight. Treated as a nuisance. Something to be cleaned away from existence. To be erased. To be eliminated or taken as slaves so that we may sometime learn our place in this world. They have shown us that we are defective by birth. Unable to be repaired. Is this the we way we take it upon our birthright to be the Master of Repairing all that is broken?

I was born without talents. No magical capabilities, weapons seemed to faze and paralyze me. People like me are destined to die cold deaths before adulthood. Yet, here I was on the evening before I became an adult on human terms. I've slipped away from the village. My birth was a curse on my family, and I strived to make it easier on them. I wandered off into the embrace of the night. The desert had the answer and I would find it…I misunderstood the layout of the desert. The dunes spread farther than I expected though I walked straight it felt like I had gone in directions that would deviate from my goal—the cove at the shore of the island.

Yet, here I am standing below the midday sun. Feeling like a fool for having gone out without supplies or proper attire. Last night, I felt like I could do it. I felt the energy of the new-born stars pulsating with every beat. I was sure that nothing would detain me from escaping into the sea's embrace. I was certain that being born in the desert made you immune to its tribulations and vicissitudes. Now I stand here, feeling the sting of memories brought by the sand. Reminding me how useless I've become and have always been.

I laid down in the sand, hoping to just become one with it. Even though I did not make it to the shore of the island, or the cove, or whatever it was that I had planned to do. I had succeeded in liberating my family from a deadweight son that only brought suffering to them. The mantle of darkness fell.

_Again? This is not your path._

I knew the desert had gotten to me when the sand started morphing into white petals and floating towards the sky like a swarm of bees. I knew I had lost it and that there was no hope for me when the fragrance of death overflowed like a torrential downpour of regrets. What I did not know was that the mantle of darkness was there to swallow me whole and ease the pain.

I think this is the first time that I feel contentment. It is not like I had imagined it my whole life. It was far off from being euphoric or happy. It was more like being in a field of blooming baby breath at night. Reflected like pellets of snow in the moonlight.

_All is dark._

* * *

"We're sorry ma'am. But your son isn't…well you know. He's possessed. There's no other explanation. Those changes are abrupt, and we have them described in the teachings as a disease that befalls upon…well let me rephrase that—non-believers."

I overheard my mother talk with the foreign doctor a while back. He's not one of us, so he must be wrong. He must be wrong I had been trying to convince myself. And I also suspected something was wrong with me. I couldn't explain it. The colors would fade, my body would turn heavier than it usually is. Nothing made sense. I could hear people speaking but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I would lose my appetite and weight. _It could be someone testing spells on me. _It would have to be someone that is not of our kind. You see, we Al Bhed have zero magical talents or capabilities. There was only one person among us who had developed magical talents and she lived in the mainland with the ones who shunned us from history.

I know it had to be the spells of a wandering magician that had grudges with us because these changes that befell upon me were short. At most they would last ten days. They were the worst. And each time it felt more worse than the last. I wanted to get back to normal. I would do anything to be normal again. I missed life without this.

For as long as I have lived, nobody has had these things happen to them like they have to me. This makes it even more probable that it's a spell because a disease would normally spread to other people. _At least that's what I told my mother so she would settle down. Everything would be just fine. We would find a cure or something soon. We always did whenever I got sick. _

But this time around…I think it wasn't a spell. I was truly sick. It had been five days since I had left the room. That same doctor had told my mother it was the fatigue from breaking free of the possession. A typical manifestation of spiritual freedom. I wanted to tell them that this was different. That this was no freedom. But my mouth would not move. I simply laid there, a heavy carcass hoping to excavate a sling of energy amongst all the rest I had given it. And I knew I was not going to get better. Something had to be done.

When I was left alone, I straddled myself upwards and stood slowly as exhaustion was already commanding my body to rest again. I noticed on the bedside table that the foreign doctor had left some tablets for me to take. I hadn't really listened to the whole conversation so after fetching water I inspected the small bag closely. _Orange Blossom and Gardenia Complexes: Ingest to ease the pain of spiritual transitions, agitations and despair. Use under medical or spiritual supervision. _I decided to take the four tablets that were in the bag and swallowed with the help of water. Taking them all was a mistake as I had felt that they got stuck halfway through my throat and produced a horrible coughing fit until they dislodged. Despite this, the burning sensation left me uneasy.

I left the hut and took walked towards the oasis close to the village. Normally, it would be a twenty-minute walk through the desert sands, yet it took me almost two hours to reach my coveted spot. I took off my shirt, boots, and pants and immersed myself in the warm clear water. I was never fond of my body. I was tall and scrawny—never dabbled in digging or strenuous physical activity so I hadn't really developed any muscular features apart from well-defined calves, thighs and buttocks from all the running and exploring the desert... I don't even know what I have wasted my life in. I drifted to the deeper parts of oasis while floating and I started to feel a cooling sensation in my abdomen, uncomfortable and soothing at the same time. I figured it was the tablets I drunk earlier. I closed my eyes to bask in the warmth of the sun. A smile formed into my face. Sleep came and…

_The mantle of darkness fell. All became dark and insipid._

* * *

I joke around with my mother frequently that she gave birth to me in the wrong moment, yet it was also the only time. I had never met my father. All I know is that he died in a war. She doesn't speak about him. I don't ask questions either. I do know that I'm not _pure _Al Bhed. I mean, why else would I have a green eye and a hazel eye? It's also the reason my mother insists in covering up the hazel eye with an eye patch. Which bothers me because it makes certain things harder than usual, like serving drinks. Despite this, I've tried to make the most of my childhood and adolescence. I've explored Bikanel Island as much as I could, even coming up with my own maps (which were not scaled and turned out to be useless because I had never learned to write or draw)—but then again, every map of Bikanel Island is useless because of the frequent sandstorms and changing landscapes and what not.

You'd think that such a magical place would give us the talent for magic, but it doesn't. The rumors come from the island being supposedly connected to underground woods, yet no one has found them, and we have all stopped trying. I tried my shot at magic by memorizing some black magic incantations but that lead me nowhere. Firearms aren't also my thing because, well with an eye patch my aim is off most of the time. Close-range fighting? Out of the question. I'm too scrawny and weak. I'm only good at running and balancing myself. I'm usually standing in tree pose when I'm alone or sure that no one can see me. _It is my defining characteristic because I am nothing like a tree_.

My being useless poses difficulties for my future. Garland Moon has begun to spread rain over the world except Bikanel. It has begun to spread anguish on my world because there is nowhere for me to go. I'm not going to dig, I'm not going to join any of the weird parties that started after the war and apart from that, there's not much to do with your life. I'd read more books if I could have access to them. But it's not something people find digging or strive to find digging. Being disconnected from most of the mainland, we don't have any reliable merchants that would bring books. So, I guess I'll just settle into being nothing until my life decides to end. There were no other options. It's a shame because I had been doing well lately. I've managed to keep myself out of trouble. Once I had disappeared to walk the desert on my own and was gone for two days until some people digging found me unconscious. Then, when I was sick, I decided to go for a swim in the oasis and I probably got tired and almost drowned and ended up on the shore.

There have been scarier times like when I had started seeing flowers everywhere and I thought I was dead. I screamed and screamed; nothing would calm me down. Other times, I was just…I don't know a malfunctioning machine? Like when the operational codes are all mumbled up and the machine just paralyzes unable to figure out what to do. I would lay in bed for days. Everything would be bland. I had begged my mother to kill me. Thankfully, she knew better and didn't listen to me.

Yet Garland Moon was here! It was my birthday soon.

The days of the month rolled by uneventfully and on the tenth (six days before I would be older) my mother was unusually happy. She told me to sit in the dinner table in the middle of the hut. "You're leaving_."_

A letter was grasped in her hands, smile etched into her sun-kissed face. Green eyes with swirls shimmering (probably tears?). "I'm leaving?"Keeping my voice low. "What do you mean I'm leaving?"

"Overseas. I've enrolled you in a special academy for special people. They've accepted you. They're thrilled, to have someone from this far away. They've also arranged for transportation. You should be there before your birthday. Things will be brighter for you now dear. Life will be better. There will be others like you."She was truly happy; I hadn't heard her speak so excitedly in so long.

"Why did you keep this a secret from me?"I asked defeatedly, something was overcoming. "I…I…I…I…don't want to go. I don't want to leave you_._"My voice felt that it could break any moment. I felt fearful, unable to understand where this came from. I felt betrayed. "You're ashamed of me, aren't you? I know I'm useless you don't have to hide it."

"Gippal, I am not ashamed of you_._"As she walked to me, she hugged me tightly, "I would never be ashamed of you. I know you are not fit for life here. The ways of the desert have never been kind to you, and you have never been open to them. You are designed for something different. I must send you away."

_ "_I don't want to go to the mainland. Please, don't send me away."Tears were starting to budge their way out of my eyes. "I'm fine here."

"It is not the mainland that I'm sending you. You're going to Fódlan. There is a place there for talented youth to gather to cultivate those talents. It is a place free from the mainland's influence. You will be safe and protected."She set me free and looked at me with kind eyes, "you will be able to keep your eye free."

"But mother, I don't have anything special about me. I can't do anything; you know I have tried all my life to be someone of value. I don't care about my eye! I just…just…I don't know…feel so small compared to everyone else."

"It doesn't matter Gippal. I wrote that your talent lies in the manipulation of energy. The capability of getting others energized or draining them of their faculties to live." I knew she was telling the truth. I just knew it, there was no hesitation or deceit in the way her lips moved, or her cheeks as the words came out. Her eyebrows held the same drooped expression that one holds when confiding horrible news.

And it was also a lie. I am capable of nothing. My only skill is getting periodically sick and useless. I would be a burden in this Fódlan. "I can't do any of that, mother_._"My voice laced with sadness and regret. I was truly being betrayed.

"It matters not. You will find something. You will be exposed to different fighting styles, magics, and skills necessary for daily life. You will find your talent there. Until then, you must fake it. You must fake it so that no one figures it out. Nobody can figure out that you are talentless, dear. Until you find your talent, you must be quiet—as you have been most of your life. Keep to yourself, do not trust anyone. Any friendship you create may become leverage against you. You will be a burden if you are authentic. But if you are fake, you will be fine. Everything will be fine."My mother spoke a somber truth, sobbing as words unfiltered ravaged the air between us. I truly was a worthless child. Seventeen years wandering around, catching glimpses of life and letting them go. The possibilities were around me, but they have withered and cannot be bloomed.

Was there any hope for me? Could I really develop something that would be of use to the world? I…didn't know…don't have any hope. _Mother__…_I sighed, embracing the somber truth fiercely with a heavy weight in my chest. "I won't let you down. I promise…or I'll try to not let you down. I think I can do that."

"You leave tomorrow, Gippal. Tomorrow morning before the sun rises. I will take you to the port. The people will be there, and they will sail westward towards Fódlan. They will sail north of Morfis and south of ALmyra. They will sail upstream the river close to Goneril and Ordelia in Leicester territory you will escorted to a Monastery atop the mountains. It will be uncomfortable."Mother stopped, sighing heavily recomposing herself. She followed in low hushes, as if whispering blasphemies,"I do not know if they are Yevonites like the people from the mainland. Please, feign that you believe in whatever it is that they believe so you can be safer."

"I get it_._" There was nothing else to talk about. My fate had been decided without my input. Just like everyone else's had been. I thought of all the people that died in the war. The families that were ripped apart, dreams left on the sidewalk to wither away from memories and existence.

That night, I couldn't sleep. I managed to prepare a bag with some ointments my mother had taught me to mix, yet I felt most of them were useless because they were only good for relaxing and soothing the muscles. Not even this relaxed me as I was wild with ideas, thinking about the people I would meet. This Fódlan place, how did it manage to appear out of nowhere in the world? Perhaps we have all been so busy dealing with the war and the people from the mainland that we didn't even care to look to the other side. It had always been the east. _The east has all the answers and none of the people willing to give them_. And I was going west.

Mother woke me before the rising of the sun. We headed to the port on the west side of the island. An informal establishment, a small dock only long and large enough for medium sized ships. A shed that looks abandoned from afar and at this unholy hour it was obviously closed. Yet, why were there people there? They had probably arranged for this through my mother. It felt like contraband.

My mother spoke with an acolyte that jumped into the dock and motioned for me. I walked leisurely towards them, mother speaking, "Hurry, we cannot be found. This is Byleth, the man whom I have arranged all of this. He is a respected professor where you are going." Pine green hair, mauve eyes, unblemished pale white skin. He was dressed like a monk and not a professor, black garbs covered him entirely and he wore a cape. There was nothing alluring about him. I extended my hand out to greet him, but it seemed like he was not interested in establishing any physical contact with me. "I'm Gippal. It's…uhm…well nice to meet you?" Not my finest moment, I know.

"I know."He said. "Come, we leave now_._" He helped me up into the ship, which wasn't anything amazing. "You stay in the deck. When it is your turn to sleep in the cabin, I will send for you_._" Immediately, other people dressed in those black garbs without capes pulled the anchor up from the sea and untangles ropes from the dock's hooks. I noticed that he was still looking at me and motioned to my bag, "Your belongings?"

"Yes,"I replied, "just ointments and there a place to store it?" He motioned for the bag and I held it out to him. He took it and disappeared into the cabins on the other side of the deck. I do not see myself getting along with this professor. After a while he came back and said, "they are safe now. When we dock in Leicester you will get them back."

The trip was supposed to be three days by sea and a day and a half by foot. I was not at all pleased with this. That meant I would be arriving at the monastery on the fourteenth. Two days before my birthdate. This had to be the most troublesome birthday yet. Alone and not alone. I just wanted to disappear. Byleth kept his word and at the rising of the moon he led me to the cabin that I was to share with him and two other monks. My bunk bed had been labeled student. He explained that we would be sleeping in pairs, so that there were always people above deck. He was to sleep below me. In the corner of the cabin I saw my bag, and it was a relief to see it.

It came to me as I tried to sleep, that how was the sea so quiet and mellow? It was rainy season. Although, no such thing existed in Bikanel Island, it did for the ocean. It would turn wild and repulsive to humans. I've heard the stories of my people trying to cross to the east and reach the mainland being swallowed by waves that could touch the clouds. Ours has been a pleasant journey so far. I concluded that among us a powerful magician had to be controlling the weather. Or we were just lucky.

_The mind leaves  
_ _the body stops.  
_ _Nothingness arrives._

* * *

Blackness surrounds me, yet I stand on solid footing. In front of me a dozen stairs shimmering like alabaster lit in moonlight. Atop, a stone throne occupied by a woman half-asleep. Like the man Byleth, she too was one with pine green hair. I couldn't surmise how long it was, but it could easily reach her knees. I do know that it was a wild, uncombed mess. Her eyes shone a mint green. A color I'd never seen in someone else other than the Al Bhed (it's something we're born with) but she lacked our swirls in her green. Her vest was weird, covering only her chest and abdomen, over it a large gold symbol that I've never seen before. She wore a purple coat that was black on this inside and this seemed to cover most of her. She looked at me without interest. "How are you here? Most rude to simply come unannounced."She asked.

I shivered. "I don't know…uh, ma'am_._"She stood and came to examine me closely and left to sit in her stone throne. She exuded an aura of authority and curiosity.

"I see. You're empty. Hoping to be rescued. I pity you, child."

Empty? I'm empty? "What do you mean?"

She smirked and proceeded to explain, "you have no powers, a banished crest, no talents, no affinities for anything. You were sent here on a whim to see if you could become someone of use. Your existence is sad. And your blood. Fascinating."

"My blood? What does that have to do with being useless?"I was starting to consider that I was either losing my mind or dreaming complete nonsense.

"Your blood is…"

The mantle of darkness fell.

* * *

Thank you for making it to the end! If you wish to leave feedback/review, please do so!


	2. Walk With Me

Chapter 2: Walk with me

Mellow light shakes me softly awake. I look around the room and jump away from me bunk bed to the ground to notice that Byleth had already left. I opened the door and wandered around the deck and found no one. Sighing, I stared at the dark blue that colored the vast ocean. Still a few days away from our destination, we were supposed to see some territories today. Sunlight spread and brightened the horizon from behind me. "Would you like some bread?"The professor asked behind me. This took me by surprise, as I was known to be very keen and agile when it came to the presence of other people. I turned to see that he was also holding a water jug and held it out for me.

"Thanks," I ate heartily, as I had not eaten since getting on this ship nor had my fill of water. Mother always joked that I was thirsty most of the time. When I was done, I asked, "what's it like where you're taking me?"

Placing his right hand on his chin and left on the right hip, he carefully thought a response for me, but he didn't seem satisfied enough to share it. After a while, he broke the silence,

"it's quiet, and there are many differences that lead the people to fight against each other. You will find many things to do—the land is vast. And it will be difficult for you. You will not be as free as you were. The life we lead is very structured. There are rarely any deviations or surprises. Some feel asphyxiated by it and yearn to go back to their homes. It will be nothing like Bikanel_._" Byleth spoke with uninterest and a stare that said that he wasn't really looking at you, but through you. It's just weird. "Is there a reason for your eyepatch?"He asked.

"It's not green. I…it's always hidden." I murmured, I was going to say that I can't see through it, but that would be a pointless lie. Having different colored eyes was frowned upon and gave away that you're not of pure blood. Because of it, my mother insisted in having it hidden to protect me from other people's judgments.

"Not green?"

"It's a grayish kind of hazel that freaked everyone out. So, we faked that I had lost my eye due to an infection because of the sands. People back home don't ask questions about it, since it's rather normal to cover up your eyes." I said, speaking louder.

"Mhm."Nothing more from him. Seeing as he initiated the conversation, I told him that I was excited to go to Fódlan, but he didn't seem to be interested in speaking with me. Only answering in grunts and one words. Perhaps I have exhausted him? I took the jug of water and set out to lay down on the other side of the deck below some shade that would be gone by midday. This ride is eventless.

* * *

Nightfall came without anything interesting as the rest of the days. When we crossed the small peninsula between Morfis and Almyra, I was hoping to see some land closely, but we only caught glimpses of the shadowed outlines of the earth. I mostly kept to myself and only spoke when it came to meals, water, and sleep. Thankfully, the last two days went without dreams bothering me.

I was told that we reached the coast of Fódlan overnight and that the ride upstream went smoothly. Surprised that both the ocean and the rivers were at peace for our passage left me perplexed as to the kind of people that worked for the place my mother was sending me too. Nevertheless, I was not able to ask questions or doubt these folks. At morning, Byleth had the ship docked close to a small village. He gave me my bag of ointments and seeds which I strapped to my waist and followed him. I thought that this was the place, but I was proved wrong as we continued through the hill. It seemed that I was to walk into the mountains with the party. Alongside Byleth, around eight monks followed him. Four on each side. They all covered their faces with those weird beige robes. It made sense to assume that Byleth was someone who held power in this place—he wore a cape and his garbs were black. Or maybe I'm wrong.

From a distance, the village reminded me of home. Quaint, small, picturesque for a memory. You could see that it only had fourteen houses spread out in a spiral. In the middle a small chapel-like structure stood taller than the rest of the village and house a large area that resembled a community campfire gathering. It was a beautiful sight to see the people walking around like shadowy figures. I wondered what their lives are like. Is it peaceful? Do they have a secure source of food? Water they have from the river close by. Are there fiends? I wonder if this place is at war like my place. I wanted to ask so much, but Byleth doesn't seem the type of person to even be aware of his surroundings. I hope that at the place I'm going there's someone that likes to spill the crucial bits of life.

_I wonder if I'll ever be able to go back home or write. _Seeing this scene, I felt a clutching sensation around my chest that sent a fiery sensation of pain with every step I took as I followed Byleth.

Byleth made a comment on how it was nice that I could keep up. That I had more stamina than some of the students that were nestled in the monastery. I felt great knowing that I was at least more proficient than other people that were accepted into this place, even if it was walking. Being used to pushing myself to stride across the sand, walking on solid footing felt like a breeze.

* * *

We walked for hours and these people never stopped. The forest trail was beautiful for me. Several times I got sidetracked examining flowers I'd never seen before with weird shapes like paws, upside-down bells, sharply pointed starfish with colors like an off-set old white, bright matte reds, blushed pink, unfertile ground beige, and sunlit sand. Some had fresh cooling fragrances, while others simply smelled like citrus and fruits. There were also these vines with tiny black centered balls surrounded by pointed bright yellow petals that had the sweetest misty honeydew fragrance. Byleth had scolded me a couple of times because I was setting their arrival time back because of my dawdling. _I don't regret it, I mean, I've never been here!_

The trees were all huge and majestic. They were so tall that if you looked up you saw their branches interlocking into black webbed open ceiling. This was breathtaking because the sunlight made them look black and sent slithers of light across the trail. I felt like I was walking in between dimension in the cool shade and the warmth of light. _This could never happen in Bikanel_. I saw how his hair went from the darkness into the shimmering brightness as he walked through the trail. It was as if his features came to light and how that dark hair turned minty green for a few seconds glimmering and reflecting the light. I also noticed when I jumped a bit further ahead that his skin would glow a bit. Glittering slightly under the embrace of warm sunlight. It was attractive. _He is a physically attractive person, but such a bore to be with!_

This confused me, why was I feeling attracted to him, what was attracting me to him? I've never experienced this in Bikanel. _Well, it's not like I had many people to talk to._

I wondered if my skin would also look like that if someone else laid eyes on me. _Would the people here find me attractive or interesting?_ I've always liked covering up to protect my skin, my mother always jabbed at me that I was the fairest skinned Al Bhed people would ever see and I'm tan! _Maybe here I can show a bit more skin. The sun isn't that strong compared to Bikanel._ I know that my hair would probably look different. Most Al Bheds had a very light golden tone to their hair that was almost always straight. I'm the exception in my village. My hair wasn't straight, it was beach sand blonde colored spiral kind of hair. It also seemed to defy gravity, whereas people's hair would go down, mine decides to create these tiny towers on my head. Therefore, my hair doesn't glow like other people's when it's in sunlight. It just gets lighter. But when it gets wet you can see that it can reach my lips and cover my ears. It's a real mess to deal with if I would let everything grow, so my mother would just cut the back and the sides close to my scalp and only leave it long in the crown. It's going to be difficult to manage my hair if I can't find someone to help me out. _I don't want to look like I just woke up every day!_

At dusk, Byleth motioned the monks to set up camp and I was amazed at how they were carrying tents that seemed to expand in size when taken out of their robes. Again, Byleth told me that I was to sleep in the same tent as him. To ensure that I would arrive with life. That made no sense to me. Still, this was the last night before arriving at the place that would mold me into someone of utility and purpose. _I am so excited!_

One of the monks told Byleth that there was a small stream where we could wash up before sleeping. Byleth, a man of few words, motioned me again to go a wash up after him. Following him through a path with shrubs we walked less than five minutes and this stream they mentioned was like the oasis back home. I awed in amazement and told Byleth, "This is huge!"

"It's small to what you can usually see here. No big deal." Again, no amusement or enthusiasm, just who is this person?

"Well, compared to the desert, this is almost a pond!" I excitedly announced, to which he replied blankly, "Don't bathe. There are no cloths to dry ourselves with. Wash your face and head back."

"Okay. I get it."I replied frustratedly with a grunt. I have really been looking forward to a bath. My skin had become mushy and sticky with its natural perspiration processes. I had learned this from mother when she taught me to mix ointments, to always apply on clean skin because you would be wasting them otherwise. I understood him too, this climate did not dry you quickly as the one in Bikanel. There was so much aridness in the atmosphere that you could bathe and the whispering sand in the air would just absorb the water away from you. There was no need for cloths. I washed my face and felt the ice-cold water brush my face. I have never felt water like this before. _It feels so good and refreshing._ And this is something I can't share with Byleth because he won't understand where I'm coming from.

After a few splashes I stared at my face reflected. Eyepatch set in place, pores looking a bit open, slim features still in place. Curls a bit disheveled and wild. _Still attractive_. The way my cheekbones pronounced themselves when I turned sideways really excited me. It felt like I was someone of importance. My moment was cut off by Byleth's voice when he ordered me to leave. I headed back and settled in our tent. This time there was no bunk bed. At least the ground was more comfortable than sand and I could close my eyes. I knew I was gone. I stopped listening to the sounds around me.

* * *

"Mhm. It is you again, child. How is it that you find yourself in this place again? It is rude to interrupt my repose."The woman glared at me as if I were interrupting her from something important. This place, the same blackness from the other day. The same throne. The same woman. I was having the same dream again. "This is a dream," I told her.

"A dream? Are you daft? Do you not see where you stand, how you are to move about freely, how you will yourself to speak to me?" I felt that she berated on and on for hours. Scolding me for being daft and unaware of what was happening around me. She went on to explain that this place is a sacred place—but that she doesn't know why. She's lost some of her memory. All that she has are lightbulbed fragments of knowledge that whisper their way to consciousness. I still didn't know her name, or why I was there. We were both silent for a while and she broke it by asking what my name was because she was tired of calling me child.

"I'm Gippal." I murmured.

"What? Gip?" Dumbfounded she continued, "speak louder, child!"

"My name is Gippal." I looked at her, speaking louder.

"Huh. What a weird name. Mhm, matters not, Gippal. At least you will keep me company for some of the time."She grinned, as if my presence brought her some joy.

Confused, I asked, "Do you know why I'm here?"

She raised her eyebrows at me and scoffed, "how am I supposed to know, you just vanish and re-appear here. I can offer you wisdom and possibilities. But…if you do not know the questions that you seek the answer to, there is little I can offer to you." She held her head with her right hand and added with an unsure tone to her words, "I am confident that this is a manifestation inside your mind, or soul. I do not know, but there is something critical about you that I cannot quite figure out, but it is familiar to me."

I looked down and stretched out my hands. I wondered what these fingertips were capable of…but I've always been running. I turned to look into her eyes and queried, "In my mind? Soul? Something about me? How am I familiar to you?"

"You ask too many questions, Gippal! These things, they just are. This is you; this is possible because your mind is quiet. You are familiar to me. Not you, but your experiences and vacillations. I can sense that you are a shifting continuum. Very much like what I am or was."

Her explanations did not help me at all. It served to only confuse me more. I raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms while tilting a bit to the side, "I'm not sure what you mean…and what were you going to say about my blood when I saw you last time?"

I could tell she was frustrated, "You will understand soon. And that, I do remember telling you while you vanished and now it has escaped me. Mhm…it is very important that you know it."

"What about my existence and this thing about crests?"

"Mhm, yes…your existence? It's a mistake. You shouldn't exist. You are something that should not be. It is noticeable to the common eye that you are not pure. And there is also a reason for your existence and mistake. Why would the world create someone like you? In this land you will not be shunned like you would be in your land."She yawned and straightened herself in her throne. She stared at me questionably as if waiting for me to answer or ask her questions. But it still did not make sense to me, I was a mistake? Impure? Meant to happen?

"So…I'm a vacillation of whatever creates things in this world? A paradox…not meant to happen and I still have a purpose…I get it. I think." I relaxed a bit and sat on the floor of blackness, crossing my legs and placing my hands on my knees. "What did you mean when you talked about Crests?"

"I did not mean to say that you have no crests. Mhmm…Do I remember what they are? Ah, yes! They are the person's source of affinities, capabilities, synchrony with the elements, magic and that source of thing. People think them to be a blessing from the Creator. Without a crest, you're just ordinary. Nothing special—unless you undergo rigorous training. And hardly anyone achieves that, ha! Humans trying to be as gods. Quite funny, wouldn't you agree?"

"I don't get it. You're saying that I don't have a crest, yet I do?"

"Mhm, how do I say this," She pouted and sighed heavily, "you appear to have no crests because you have no affinities, no special talents, nothing special about you. Your body is weak. You also have no talent for magic. It's obvious…yet…there is something intriguing. I'm not sure if it's the eyepatch or the way that you stand. Yes…I'm sure that there is a crest within you sleeping. Yes, it is sleeping. I can sense it. It was forced into invisibility. It is evidence enough that you can converse with me. You can relate to me in a way an ordinary human cannot. Only he can see me like this. I am not sure if he knows that you can see me as well. But…you shouldn't be able to see me because your crest is not my own."

"What do you mean? Who is this he?" I thought I was speaking. But she just looked confused as I realized that my voice had disappeared. I felt an electrifying sensation on my hands and legs, and I saw that I was indeed vanishing like she had said. I was becoming sand drifted away by the wind that did not move through this place. _Like home._ In a matter of seconds, I had become specks of dust swirling in a whirlwind that extended infinitely in this space. My body had fractured into these tiny pieces, yet I also felt how I stretched endlessly.

Not soon after, the mantle of darkness fell…

* * *

Byleth was rummaging his belongings and left the tent. I stretched and groaned as I felt some spasms on my back. I needed a bed quickly. I strapped my bag around my waist and stepped outside. It was still twilight, and I couldn't see the sun or it's morning streams of bloody red illuminating the horizon. Byleth was in conversation with some of the monks while they secured the tents back into their tiny bags and hid them under their robes. It was an interesting thing to watch them do that as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

I stepped closer to Byleth and asked if it was time to leave. He simply nodded and said that we would be there at midday. We walked a slower pace than yesterday, the air getting cooler as we traversed upwards the mountain path. You could see that the trail was often used, for it was well kept and free of any natural obstacles. I noticed that we were going slower because the monks were not used to this kind of walking. Thankfully, life in Bikanel provided with tall dunes that were great to get us accustomed to strenuous distances or terrains. I smiled to myself recognizing that my talent could indeed be walking through any kind of terrain—except, well…water. _Wow__…__I must really be ordinary if that's my talent._

"When we get there, you will be interviewed." Byleth spoke in a hushed voice, as if it were a secret.

I was baffled and taken by surprise, as I was about to ask him he made a downward gesture with his hand—_low voice, got it_, "who will?"

"The Archbishop. She must interview you. To evaluate if you are worthy of admission. It may take a while."

"And after that what will happen?"

"I…do not know."

"But I thought I was already admitted." I queried in a whisper as we kept walking.

"It's…do not doubt that you will be admitted. I chose my words poorly. She merely wishes to inquire a few details about yourself."

"Oh…that's a relief." I sighed.

If the Archbishop was going to interview me, then this must be the person that my mother sent the letter to…or the one who sent us the letter? I don't understand this. I'm scared. What if this place is just like the people from the mainland and their religion? What if…she is an Archbishop of Yevon? Do they have summoners here? Is there a Sin? Then…this must be a trap. No, I can't start thinking like this again. I need to be calm.

I need to see this through and then figure out what I can do.

* * *

Byleth was right, yet wrong. We didn't arrive by midday; it took us a little bit longer because the monks had to frequently stop for breaks. Even so, that didn't bother me because I could just look at the shrubs and gaze at how huge the forest that lies before the monastery. The only place in Bikanel that has a tree is the Oasis. The rest are cactuses, and it's not like you can get shade from them. The entrance to the monastery was huge. You could see that it was like a temple from the mainland. It was protected by magnificent stone walls that had guard towers stretching farther into the sky. Furthermore, there were towers that were much bigger than the stone walls and guard towers—watchtowers I assumed; the way it was designed and constructed was so much more impressive than anything I had ever seen. It is prepared to protect itself against invasion. Though I already knew that their weak spot is lack of machina, being a religious place, I assumed that they also had teachings against technology like the people who believed in Yevon had in Spira. Us Al Bhed were different. We didn't exactly believe in Yevon or the teachings, so we were quite adept with machine and technology. The only thing I like about Yevon is the hymn. It's soothing.

As we walked to the entrance, a lively guard gave his salutations to Byleth, straightening his posture out and slightly bowing towards him. "Good afternoon, Professor! I have nothing unusual to report. Except that the students left on a training expedition. How was your assignment overseas?" His voice annoyed me it felt that it was covered in forced optimism, yet it was relieving to hear someone else other than Byleth.

"It went well." That was Byleth's response. I swear that he had no skills. "Come," he motioned me to follow him. We arrived at some sort of long hallway with many wooden tables and chairs on both sides laid out symmetrically after passing through the reception hall. We came to a door that lead to a bridge and I was going to continue walking until Byleth stopped me by holding my arm. He motioned that it was to the left that we were going. He opened a door that had stairs that lead to a hallway that had many rooms. At the end of the hallway was a huge wooden gate that was slightly open. Byleth told me to wait there and he went inside.

I tried to take in my surroundings, this place was beautifully constructed. Everything was in stone, which would explain why it felt cool during the day. I suspected that in cold nights they would feel comfortably warm inside without the need for fire or quilts to cover themselves up. There was also something somber about this place. The carpets, dim lighting and the closed rooms. The ambience felt tense and weary. If he was here, he would have to be someone important. This is probably where the important people where. I wondered if I would be coming here often. I hoped not. I didn't want to go far but I did not want to wait standing, so I decided to sit down next to the doors. If I could hear something that would be a plus. Whoever Byleth was speaking with, probably talked in that same hushed manner as he usually does. I closed my eyes, feeling comfortable in the cool embrace of stone surroundings…and waited…

* * *

"Come," His voice woke me up. I looked confused as I felt that I had been asleep for the longest time. I noticed that it was lighter than when we got here, so it had to be the afternoon, but not late afternoon because the sun did not feel scorching and the rays of light weren't creating long shadows. "Thanks, that was a long conversation." My response felt obvious, yet unwarranted. His reaction was neutral, inexistent. Unwarranted. "Yes, she waits and does not like to be kept in waiting. Go. I will wait for you here."I nodded and walked inside the chamber.

It was beautiful. Columns reached the ceiling, a faded gray coloring them turning a dusty white against the light. They have been polished frequently and cared for with diligence. Alabaster chandeliers hung from the ceiling, dimly lighting the room with candles that I wondered who would place and light them up there. A red carpet leads the way to the balcony and to the other chambers that connected to this one.

A woman that looks like his mom stood there. Mint green eyes and flowing beautiful hair reaching half-way to her forearms, an elegant white dress adorned with golden hems and necklines hid her figure from the observing eye. The same fair pale skin that would be sure to glimmer in the sunlight like Byleth's. Hers was a soft, gentle voice that echoed peace through the chamber. "Gippal, I have been waiting for your arrival. How was your journey with Byleth? I trust that the protection of Seiros guided you here without obstacles."What a warm smile. What a difference from what Byleth is.

"It was okay. Yes…nothing happened."

"I am overjoyed to hear that." She walked slowly to stand closer to me. "Do you know why you are here?"

"No…I…don't. My mother didn't tell me why I was being sent here, Ma'am." I looked down in I ask for her name? Maybe he only talks in syllables or lopsided nonsensical sentences. I guess he has no social aren't the best either.

"Please, call me Lady Rhea. I am the Archbishop of the Church of Seiros. Tell me, what do you know of your talent?"

"Well…" This is the moment that my mother spoke of, I had to lie here to ensure that I would not be expelled or in danger. "I don't have any control over it…" I fiddled with my hands, unsure of what to say. Head still down and legs crossed sideways—confusion overwhelmed me. I hoped that I could just vanish. I've never had to talk brilliantly about myself. People just didn't expect anything from me.

"You are safe with me. We will help you control it. So, tell me, what is your talent?" She emphasized safe and control. I peeked and she smiled warmly and gestured her arms open sideways, as if inviting me to reveal my inner turmoil.

"I can…uhm…well fluctuate energy. I can shift it, so people become energized or exhausted. But I don't know how it works and it just happens randomly."Mostly to me, but I couldn't tell her that. And energetic fluctuations is also very similar to the use of arcane spells where mages just put people to sleep, slow them down, or quicken them to move faster.

She seemed unfazed and uninterested with this; I could see it in her blank expression. Even so, I could tell that there was a certain kindness to her words. One like the most respected summoner in the mainland. "And your crest?"

Crest, I had a dream about this with that woman. She also looks like her and to Byleth. Could they be related somehow? I can't question this here. The woman could easily be an apparition or a shadow. Yet she told me that she speaks to someone else. "I don't follow, Lady Rhea. Crests?"I had to lie and keep lying for now.

"Isn't it visible in your eye, and that is why you cover it? Your mother wrote of how it was special, that it contained untapped power."She ushered me to come closer so she could examine my eyes. I walked slowly towards her, my limbs trembling against my will. My skin was perspiring along my back, thighs and hands. I have never wanted to get out of a place so much. _Why was I feeling like this when she is being so kind to me? What am I afraid of? Why do I want to spontaneously vanish?_

She held my face with her hands and smiled as she took of the eye patch with a gentleness that resembled the way my mother would care for my wounds as a child. I blinked my right eye quickly and forcefully a few times, still unused to being bathed with light or processing the environment. Slowly, the blurriness and the sting of being awake settled and I could see clearer and brighter. A lump formed in my throat, afraid to swallow, unsure of what she would say.

_I'm afraid of her judgment. _

"I've never seen this before. Two different eyes. Your mother spoke the truth. They are special."There was confusion in her voice. She spoke low and carefully watching the words she chose; "it was the right choice to send you here. People may use you for their benefit. Here, that will not happen. I guarantee that you will be safe, protected. However,"she froze.

She let go of my face and turned to see throughout the balcony. I wondered what she meant about my eyes being special and what my mother said in her letters to this place. _And how could people use me? I was of no use in Bikanel and I doubt that I would be of use here. And how did my mother send letters to this land when its existence wasn't even known in Bikanel or all Spira?_

"Yes?"I asked in a hushed tone. I did not expect that waiting for her response would feel longer than the trip here. The wind stopped, giving my mind the sensation that time had stopped its flow.

"I will speak with professor Hanneman. He is our expert in the science of Crests. He will surely be able to enlighten us as to the nature of your phenomena. However, he is currently away with the rest of the students for the week."She shifted to again lock her eyes with mine. Her presence was different, more serious and strategic.

"What will I be doing?" I muttered.

"I will assign you to Byleth's class. You will be alone for the week, so it should give you the opportunity to see the monastery and its facilities. Furthermore, he will explain how we manage time in the monastery, and it is essential that you adhere to our ways. There will be specialized and diverse training sessions with many weapons. The faster we discover your affinities, capabilities, and talents the better your future will turn out. I welcome you to Garreg Mach's Officer's Academy, Gippal. It is an honor for you to be enrolled in decades of prestigious education and training for the improvement and maintenance of peace in our land."

"Thank you, Lady Rhea. I…don't know what to say."I collected myself, I needed to know if there were other professors, I don't feel comfortable around Byleth. I just don't imagine him teaching me anything!"I'm curious, there are other classes?"

"Yes." She cleared her throat and turned to gaze outside before clarifying, "However, you will not be a fit for them. You see, the Black Eagles and Blue Lions are rather selective. Someone who is not from their territory would most likely be unwelcome. However, Golden Deer, lead by Byleth is different. Theirs is a community of diverse people that accept all who come into their arms. It is their natural stance, as they are from the Alliance. I merely chose the class that would provide the most adequate environment for you to grow and relate to peers. Pay no mind to it."

So, there were three classes in this place. It's not that different from the mainland…it's disappointing to come all this way and find myself with…no, I can't go around thinking like this when I haven't experienced anything yet! I must try to be as open as I can. Even if it's useless. "I see, thank you." She turned to look at me and motioned me to leave, and I found that Byleth was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the hall waiting for me.

He said with that blank expression, possibly knowing that I was going to be his student from the moment he came for me in Bikanel, "walk with me."

* * *

**A/N:**

**Thank you for investing your time to read! **


	3. Forgetfulness

**A/N Disclaimer: I do not own neither franchise. This applies to all chapters, even if I forget to put the disclaimer that I do not own them.**

* * *

Chapter 3: Forgetfulness

**Garland Moon 23**

It's been nine days since I got here. Byleth suggested that I keep a journal so that I could start establishing a routine. He said it was best if I wrote in the mornings about the day before or during the night about the day. I hadn't been doing it. And I certainly did not tell him I couldn't do it. I don't know how to properly write. So, it felt like a drag and a waste of time consuming so much of it in something menial and trivial. I had better things to do, like sleep. Nothing interesting had happened so far anyway. I still hadn't met my classmates.

Still, the monastery was a beautiful place. It had a huge greenhouse with different kinds of flowers I'd never seen. I talked with the gardener to plant the Gardenia seeds I brought from Bikanel. The person was overjoyed with having a new species from overseas in the greenhouse. That was another thing, almost everyone was covered with the robes and hoods that you couldn't tell if they were male or female. Perhaps it was a religious thing. I don't know. Or they were all acolytes and monks, which makes sense this being a monastery.

Byleth was particularly fond of the fishing pond. He taught me the basics of fishing and I discovered that I was not dexterous at it. I was not catching large fish like he was nor was I getting any bites. He said that I lacked patience, and that fishing was the best way to develop patience. I looked at the water "patiently", but I did not feel anything, nor did I see anything that would indicate that a fish had bitten the bait.

Seeing as I was stuck with him everyday until the other students came back, I had to follow him everywhere. He was not much for conversation, and I despised talking to walking walls.

We tried taking up swords the first three days and we got nowhere. Even though they were made of wood, I was not swift or stylish with them. He had explained a few stances, but I forgot them all. I was used to daggers but here people did not use them, so nobody was proficient enough to teach me. _Although, with daggers I would not need teaching. _

We tried fist-fighting—again (they call it brawling here). I proved my usefulness in dodging. Byleth insisted that we practice everyday so that I could tune up my dodging abilities in what he said was "feeling the other person's movement before it struck". Weird, I didn't try to fight back, merely focusing on how he moved and dodging—which went somewhat horribly. He struck me more times than I could dodge. He noticed that I would be frustrated and say things like _you've never done this, do not pretend to be an expert. Forget about how you used to do this and feel._

He makes no sense to me, yet that was the most supportive he's been so far.

We also tried bows. No affinity there.

The last three days of training we explored my affinity with lances, axes, and riding horses. Triple failure.

I was heavily disappointed and the only enjoyable training activity we held was brawling so I could be nimbler. Other than that, Byleth was smart. He explained the basics of gardening to me and encouraged me to spend time caring for the plants in the greenhouse. Another activity he said would improve my knowledge of the self. When I inquired about this, he said that when we are with plants, the conversation is wholly with ourselves and not the plant. Again, this man is weird because I am in conversation with myself most of the time when I'm with him. _I don't need to be around the plants for that._

We also cooked together and made salads and stews. This was the only area in which I would get compliments from him. _You understand how to blend flavors and cook ingredients. This is important and necessary._

I felt useful! This was something I was good at. And I wasn't surprised because cooking reminded me of when mother and I prepared concoctions and ointments. The dining hall was my favorite place to be. It was fragrant and lively, though I did not speak with anyone because, well I was an outsider, I didn't want to push my luck and Byleth didn't show interest in introducing me to anyone though I was with him most of the time. And he's celebrity, a lot of people are constantly greeting him _Professor this, professor that, professor, professor!_ And he just walks by like they don't exist. Sometimes I cringe because he just pushes them out of the way. _Although I laugh in my mind at that._

We also tried singing in the Cathedral. My voice was not the best. Although, he said that I had good vocalization. He suggested that I coordinate tea parties with my classmates so I could get to know them better. A suggestion I would not consider at all. That seemed fancy and royal like. Before we left the Cathedral, he pondered aloud on my vocalization skills, he loosely mentioned that my talent might be _Faith _in the Goddess. _Uh, have you seen me? Do I look like the worshipping type? I bet she doesn't exist._ As I thought that last bit, I felt a pang in my chest like someone had jabbed me. Must be my breathing wrong.

I think it's been a good week exploring what this place has to offer. That said, I still did not know what the classes taught. I didn't ask either. He wasn't kidding when this would be the same routine every day. It was all structured; you would be up at twilight for breakfast and then a walk until morning light became intense. Afterwards, he would let me go to the greenhouse and he would just lounge around somewhere. At noon he would come for me for lunch. After that we would have our diverse training sessions and fish in the late afternoon.

I was at liberty of deciding if I wanted to have dinner or not. Although, if I didn't, he would insist on fishing again to train my patience. He was adamant on keeping eyes on me. It was nice to be looked after, yet I wanted a conversation. He wouldn't give me that.

At night, before sleep I had a chance to wash in an area after the classrooms that was designed to be some sort of bathhouse and sauna. A few nights I had the place to myself since the other students were out and it was divided in an area for people who were students and the other for adults. Byleth didn't take kindly my leisure approach to bathing because he would knock and tell me to not dawdle. But these were to most wonderful bathes I'd ever taken in my life. It was a privilege known to none in Bikanel. And having the place to myself meant not needing to cover up with a towel! Although, I don't think I would cover up anyway, you can't properly wash if you're trying to avoid being seen.

My room was next to his, it was assigned. It stood next to the stairs that lead to the classrooms which were assigned per house (which is what he explained to me that Golden Deer, Blue Lions and Black Eagles represented). In this place each house represents a separate territory and the students in those houses belonged to that specific territory.

I felt undeserving of this room. To the left was a full bed with sheets and quilts. A wardrobe stood in front of it so I could store my possessions and clothes (which was empty since I only had my bag of ointments and things) and inside it held a mirror, a bookshelf to the right that was empty with some drawers to either store random items or clothes. Next to the bookshelf was an L shaped wooden desk with candle lights strategically place in the corners. A wooden chair would be placed neatly in each side of the desk for use or company. Next to my bed, a nightside table with the empty book given to me so I could record my thoughts and musings. It still lay there. I still did not have intention to write.

I've never slept so comfortably in the past as I have this week. I've never eaten so much. I've never felt so enamored and inadequate at the same time. Seven days ago, it was my birthday. Nobody remembered. Yet, I didn't tell anyone either. I don't know what I was hoping for. Will it be the same next year?

Today the others will arrive from their training assignment outside the monastery. My chest was jittery, pulsating faster than it used to. My breathing was faster than normal, I wasn't sure what to expect from the people that would arrive. I still only knew by name Byleth and Lady Rhea. I had not met any other professors or students. The person in the greenhouse still wasn't keen on talking to me and the guard at the gate would energetically salute me but wouldn't carry out a conversation with me unless Byleth would assure him that it was safe to do so or if he was by my side.

I was sitting by the short side of the bed staring at my shadowy reflection in the wardrobe's mirror. I knew Byleth was awake because he was already walking around as his shadow would be seen on the edge of the door. "I'm up. I'll be out in a bit." I was already ready, in Bikanel we were always used to sleeping with our clothes no matter what. You could never tell when a sandstorm was coming. I noticed that he stood still, his shadow no longer swaying side to side under my door. When I got out, he had this perplexed look in face. He was in uniform. The black cap, tight black clothing and cape with the knee-high black boots. Too much black.

"What are we doing now?"

"Walk through the forest as we have done. I will be back after noon. I am going to rendezvous with the students. I will come for you."

"Oh, 'kay."I smiled and nodded in agreement and waved him goodbye. I didn't wait for him to leave so I could go down through the stairs and leave through the reception hall and the gates from the marketplace as we usually would. Turning left once outside I walked towards our usual path these days. I'm pretty sure I had it memorized. He insisted on walking back and forth. I wasn't sure where it was that I had to turn back though. The whole trail was almost identical. Huge trees that formed intricate webs of branches fractured the sunlight. Small shrubs with flower decorated the way and emitted sweet and citrus-like fragrances.

I lost my focus on space, time and fluctuations of sunlight as I found myself in an open area with an orange blossom tree in the middle. _Nice!_ Voicing out loud and then looking around in embarrassment. To my fortune, it was blooming, so the relaxing citrus fragrant was noticeable. I climbed unto the branches easily thanks to all the physical activity of the week and managed to collect some flowers to later wither and use for ointments.

I jumped down and landed on my hands and knees, wincing a bit on the pain. I settled unto the base of the trunk and basked in the cool shade this tree offered. This was a moment of respite all to me. Completely alone, I closed my eyes and felt myself go in the dance of colors that closing them produced. And then it stopped.

* * *

"You again!" The pine green haired woman looked at me. Excited to see me again, this time she walked down her stairs and sat in front of me. Conscious of this, I noticed that I was sitting down as well, still feeling the tree's trunk behind me.

"Hello, ma'am."I still don't know her name. I blushed and asked, "Can you tell me your name?"

"Ah! My name? Mhm." She held her hand and leaned to the side thoughtfully, "I'm not sure. My name doesn't come to me likes yours does. You can call me wisdom, so you remember how honorable you should feel to talk with me."

"Uhm, okay. Wisdom. It feels weird."

"You will get used to it. It feels just right." She looked at me intently and exclaimed, "Oh! Your right eye is different from your left eye. I have never seen this phenomenon."

"It's uh…I don't know…I was born with them like that."

"And that's why you covered it up?"

"Well,"I scratched my head and bowed down and spoke despondently, "it was what my mother did. Where I'm from we had to make them believe that I lost it. People don't take kindly to you having different eyes."

"I see. Hm." I added, "Lady Rhea said that my crest was embedded in my eye."

"Mhm. Lady Rhea? She's wrong, child. Crests are not something that you attach to body parts. They are within you."

"Within?"

"Yes," she sighed and stood, moving around in circles as she explained, "you could say that they are part of your blood. They require your body and mind to be open so that they can flow through you. It is so how you can tap into them. But you…you appear to have no crest, yet it is obvious that there is a crest within you. If it is sealed it would make sense that your eye changed color permanently. And the swirl in your left eye? Most fascinating!"

"All Al Bhed have these swirls in our eyes, what do you mean sealed? This…this makes no sense. We don't know any of that in Bikanel. And people in Spira don't have Crests."

"Are you daft? Sea-led. Your body was forced to forget it has a crest. Thus, talentless in all domains. You show no affinity or capabilities because they have been erased and locked away. And if no one from your land possesses crests, then it is most obvious that one of your progenitors are not from your land, rather from this one where crests are hailed as a blessing from the Goddess._" _Her voice turned low and worrisome,"You have not maddened at all, even though your crest is sealed."

"Maddened? Wha-?"

"Yes! Maddened. People who dabble in sealing or transferring crests tend to go mad. They lose their reason. It is a curse without purification. And those who have their crests sealed tend to lose themselves to the accumulation of unharnessed power."

Thankfully, this maddening concept did not sound like it would happen to me. Yet, I still worried about the truth of my eye and whether I had a crest. "She told me that I was to be exposed to everything and anything so that I could find my affinity and capability."

"Mhm, useless. Be careful of that Lady Rhea. Her methods are…pay me no mind. You will figure it out on your own. With patience and openness, you will find what connects you to your blood. And I wouldn't worry, if yours has been sealed for so long and you still stand, it is most likely that you will remain sane."

"You know Lady Rhea?"

"Child! You aren't listening. Be patient. Be open. Find what connects you to your blood. Listen to Byleth."

"Byleth? He can help me?" My voice rose with the heat in my body as I questioned her,"I've done everything he's told me to do and I haven't discovered anything!"

"You have not. And you have missed it. Pitiful."

"How can I have miss—"

The mantle of darkness fell.

* * *

The fragrance of the blossoms shook me awake. The wind was rustling the trees, no longer shaded by the tree I saw how the sun stood gallantly in the horizon. This meant that I had overstayed the time limit and afternoon had reached me. _Byleth! _He said he would come for me!

I quickly stood and started to run as fast as I could to find my way back to the monastery. After a while, I found myself in a stream that I hadn't seen before. I was probably lost. Panting and gasping for more air, I deduced that I had gone the opposite way. I jogged back to the open area and went into another trail, hoping it was the one I came from.

I lost track of time. Dusk and nightfall came quickly, and this trail seemed to go on forever. I'm such a fool for having slept through the day and for getting lost in this place—more evidence of my lack of usefulness. I haven't done anything of value here and I'm already being a burden on others. People will probably notice that Byleth is worrying over me and my classmates will look down on me for being worthless. Even though I keep running nothing seems familiar, everything starts to look black and through the intricate webbings of branches I can glance up to the stars in the sky. I stopped, gasping and panting. Feeling exhausted, I haven't eaten anything to do. I've lost my jug of water and I had nothing that could be useful right now.

I feel so small. Useless. Worthless. I'm such a fool. I closed my eyes to feel the heaviness in my body. How my hands and legs trembled and how warm my breath felt against my lips and how my sweat cooled me with the night air. I want to disappear, and if I had a dagger I could disappear. I sat next to a tree and straddled my legs close to my chest and held them tightly with my arms so I could hide my face in the space between. I knew I was naïve to think myself capable of being alone. Here I was, helpless. In need of rescue. Tears were smoothly traveling their way down my cheeks into the edge of my lips before falling into my hips. I sobbed wildly and without filter like I did whenever I felt myself slipping underground, below the sand.

I hoped that no one would see me like this. I missed my mother. She would comfort me for days when I slipped and fell. I remember how she would just rub ointment close to my throat and nose so I could feel the soothing fragrance of whatever flower she would find. I particularly loved whenever she used gardenia. She wouldn't say anything, simply being there with me until I found myself again. Sometimes I could tell that she was afraid.

I checked my bag and I took out a small case that had some ointment. I opened it at dipped my middle finger to rub some in my nose and behind my ears. The soothing citrus and the solitude of death invaded my nostrils. I remembered why these were special to me. Always at death's embrace, we've always been fragile at the mercy of nature. It's also why we are all thick skinned and gritty. Well, others grittier than me.

Once I was calm, I stood and continued to walk down the trail. Eventually finding my way back to the flaming torches that illuminated the monastery's gate. Though the flames were alit, the gate was closed. Frustrated with this, I took to the stream close by and used it to swim inside the monastery. It was dark so I hoped that there was no one around. I jumped into the feeling freezing water and quickly got into a slow rhythm of strokes. Half-way through I was exhausted and had no more strength to keep on swimming. I kept myself afloat and simply swayed my hands and legs closer to the greenhouse and fishing pond. At the pond, I tried to scoot myself into the edge of the ground but failed miserably. I drifted across towards the small wooden bridge where Byleth and I usually fished. I hugged one of the columns tightly trying to muster my strength so I could leave the water.

But it was no use. I could call upon whatever I had left in my abdomen to push me up. Nor did I find the way to release my arms from the column I was holding to place as hook over the bridge so guide the rest of my body. I sighed defeatedly and weighed the option of either staying and possibly drowning or being found by someone—which warranted a very embarrassing explanation. Shouting and screaming at dusk would only call upon guards and cause a scene and I'm not in the luxury to cause that. I had to find a way to get up. Byleth would most likely tell me to listen to my body. What does that mean? Distributing my body by parts instead the whole of it? I could try that.

I started breathing deeply and exhaling slowly. Just as my mother taught me to count eight seconds while breathing in and holding it for four seconds then releasing for eight seconds and holding for four and repeat endlessly until I felt ready to do whatever it was that I had to do. I could never get used to the asphyxiating sensation while inhaling for so long and how tight my chest feels. And releasing the air as if I were whistling did the trick to make me feel limber and light again—this last part being a trick of my own to avoid coughing while letting go of all the air. When I had released the air for the fifth time, I used my right hand and placed it between the planks in front of me so it could be my hook. Then I raised my right leg and mustered all my strength to raise it and have it land on the bridge. My boot made it difficult for it to hold itself in the bridge, but I managed to tilt it a bit and hook one of the ridges on the edge—and how uncomfortable this was. I could feel the pain pulsating on the back of the muscle in my right thigh and knee.

I repeated two cycles of my breathing, feeling like a fool and hoping there was nobody around. I grabbed on the edge with my left hand and used all my strength to use my right side to roll onto the bridge. It took me three tries of pushing myself to succeed rolling on the bridge. I was exhausted and gazed at the stars while panting and gasping for some cool air to re-energize my defeated body so I could head to the room. Despite all this trouble, this was peaceful. It reminded me of home. There were so many stars that they looked like tiny white freckles in front of the deep purple night sky. I straddled my self to sit in a squatting position, so it was easier to push myself to stand and walked to the stairs in front of the greenhouse—leading to the rooms.

I walked very slowly feeling cold and heavy because of the water. Some rooms still had their lights on, so I tried to be as invisible as possible. Lifting one foot at a time and placing it gently on the wooden floors to avoid the thuds of walking hastily. I passed by Byleth's room and thankfully no light was coming from his room. I figured he was asleep which was a relief, because I did not want to explain myself to him. Once at the door of my room, I slowly turned the doorknob and glided the door open as stealthily as I could. This was not much use, because it still creaked loudly. My only consolation being that at night, everything seemed louder to the ears. Once it was fully open, well I was terrified.

"You are late. Very late. Where were you?"His voice felt commanding and stern. His stare was not neutral as usual and held some sort of seriousness to it. His eyebrows were slightly creased and his eyes manifested tiny lines of expression. He was squinting. At least I knew he was capable of some emotion…or at least irritability.

"Uhm, I…uh…fell asleep." I whispered, hoping that no other student would eavesdrop on our conversation. "And then I got lost…kind of…it was kind of difficult to get in here you know, especially at this time." I bowed my head, like the kids would when they know they've done something shameful. The lump in my throat was a strong indicator that I am in that position. _I wished I could disappear again._

"I expect that you do not make this mistake again. Tomorrow you will meet the other students. There is a uniform in the wardrobe, tailored to suit you. Use that tomorrow. Also, if they ask, which I doubt, you were on a special errand for me." He then took to leave my room without giving me space to say anything. Yet he was not harsh on me either. A warning is all he gave me. What a relief! I closed and locked my door to ensure that I had complete privacy before taking all my clothes off. I needed to dry myself a bit stretch all of this out so it wouldn't catch any foul odors.

I used the table to stretch my garments out and stared at my shadow in the mirror. I sighed and settled naked in bed. The first time sleeping naked in my life. I was nervous. I hoped that nobody ever finds out about this. And if they do, I hope that either the sky scoops me up into the stars and kills me or that the earth opens and takes me to the abyss so I can sleep forever.

Other than that, I'm just happy that I can finally feel like I'm melting here.

* * *

**A/N:**

Thank you for reading! I may not be able to update weekly as I had originally wished. The good news is that the first 15 chapters are already written. I am just revising and editing before uploading them.

I am currently in the process of applying for internships and underground the active research process of my dissertation. My free chunks of time are severely reduced because of it. I am still dedicating roughly 30-40 minutes on writing and 15-20 minutes of editing and revision daily, so the project should proceed smoothly.

In the next chapter the plot will start to build up as other characters begin to be introduced and interact with Gippal. And as usual, feedback is welcome!


	4. Textures

**A/N **

I don't own FE3H or FFX-2.

* * *

**Textures**

**Garland Moon 24**

I was up before twilight. I stretched, feeling cold and uncomfortable being naked. Once I settled into undergarments, the uniform was a mission that could be ritualized to get into. The socks reached up to my knees and the pants were an off-set black color. Not a true black, more of a night-sky black. I left them open so I could button up the white shirt and tuck it in without a fight, feeling a tad uncomfortable as they reached my belly button and felt them fit perfectly. Despite them being tighter than usual, they were unusually responsive to movement and capable of stretching and returning to their original form. I wouldn't be surprised if they were infused with some sort of magic. Unlike other dress shirts that had to be buttoned up to the neck, this one stops at the collar bone creating a V silhouette.

The coat was beautiful, same color as the pants with golden sand colored cuffs that could be rolled back onto forearms—which I wouldn't do because they instantly warmed me up and reminded me of the morning desert heat. Around the waist, it had laces colored as the cuffs so you could tie it up and close it to cover up the dress shirt. I saw that its length reached down to my calves. Whoever made this for me overestimated my height. I made a small ribbon knot covering myself up. Smiling as I could be mistaken for a shadow if my hair was dark instead of light. I glanced at the mirror, and although I could not see very well, I knew that I looked attractive. The more clothes you had on that gave an elegant impression, the more attractive one would be. At least, that's what I believed.

I sat on the edge of the bed staring lazily at the mirror. I wondered what today would be like with the other students. Would they all be the same or would they be different? Would I be able to relate to someone? I sighed and finished up getting the new boots that Byleth had left on. Thankfully, a perfect fit. Maybe he was to be with me the whole week so he could get my measurements when I wasn't paying attention? It seemed like something he would do. The boots had a comfortable feel to them and as I walked the thudding sounds weren't as loud as my other boots, which was a relief. If I had to walk around before twilight or late at night, I could go unannounced.

When I left my room, I saw that Byleth was already out in the small meadow in front of the rooms. He stared at me and motioned me to get closer to him. _"_Let's walk," he said. I followed him, hoping that this would be a moment of conversation…or something. We headed out of the monastery through the gates of the monastery, the guard ever so enthusiastic about seeing Byleth telling him that there was nothing to report.

We walked the same forest trail we always did—the one I got lost in last night. At a certain point he stopped and pointed at a tree. Confused I asked, "Am I supposed to see something?"

"Yes. Look at the lowest branch."

"The arrow?"

"Yes. Checkpoint to turn back. That way you won't get lost again if I tell you to walk alone, or you decide to walk alone."

He turned and started heading back. Perhaps this is one of those things he insists that are in front of me, but I do not see. I wouldn't have known to look for it anyway. We don't use arrows in Bikanel. I sighed and followed him.

When we got to the marketplace, the monastery's bell rang, and he explained that it would only ring when the students were in active academic sessions. This was the ritualized message that they had to wake up meet at the dining hall and present to the class halls. "You won't join them today. We go to Lady Rhea and the other professors." I was getting used to his emotionless voice, and otherwise empty tone to all he said. "Why? Wouldn't it be awkward if I arrived late when I've been here for a while?"

"They wish to discuss certain things with you." I followed him through the reception hall and through the stairs that lead to the second floor of the building and into the chamber of Lady Rhea. We stood in front of it as if waiting for it to open or a cue that we could come in. "Rules?"

"I did not inquire what they wished to speak with you. Only that it was important." Usual Byleth. He was a man of ambiguities and not collecting information. Then again, this was not related to him, but me. "Okay." I sighed and simply stood there behind him. It was then that an older man with the same hair and eye color opened there. The only difference between them that his facial features corresponded with one who has lived more than him, and well, he sported a beard that was very slim from his sideburns to his chin. You could tell that it was meticulously groomed. His hair tied in a loose ponytail and his uniform very much like Byleth's however it was a dark navy blue and intricate laced patterns in the chest areas that I could not understand. Perhaps a reference to these crests they seem so curious of.

"Seteth," Byleth inquired, "may we come in?"

"Yes," his voice was deep and commanding, "we are ready for you both." He motioned for us to go inside; however, he did not look or recognize my existence. Focusing only on Byleth. Inside, a woman with sand-brown hair stood to Lady Rhea's right. Her eyes were covered in some sort of coral colored pigments. Her sage green dress open to the sides revealing her thighs and calves. Her hair was styled backwards in a straight same length cut that reached halfway to her neck. It suited her gracefully. She smiled in a swooning manner at Byleth and a grin that stretched ear to ear at me. Her dress served to accentuate her big cleave—the biggest I've ever seen, to this I blushed. It was connected by lace to the black choker on her neck. Being sleeveless, she wore a white coat that had fur of some kind on the neckline. She had tied it on her forearms, so it hung loosely over her without having to put her arms through the sleeves. She's probably some sort of rebel person here.

To her left, a man with a respectable gray colored moustache stood there; hands to the chin, as if analyzing this whole interaction in a theatrical manner. His gray hair appeared to be windswept sideways, frozen as if being styled in such a way its whole life. He also sported a beard like Seteth, but in a more pronounce manner. He was in a beige gray suit with a jacket and a huge trench coat. Did he suffer from constant cold or was this a weird solid colored fashion statement? Some sort of dark yellow green scarf closed his dress shirt at the neck—that's new. The most interesting aspect about him was the monocle on his right eye. I didn't get it why it was on one eye and not both. Maybe he would be better off with our goggles to protect the eyes—if that's what he wants. I could tell that he was excited to meet me because once he saw my face, a gasp came from his mouth and he squinted to see my features.

I was probably some sort of oddity. I had not seen anyone that was tan so far or had hair that was spiral in nature. Although, I hadn't seen anyone with strands of sunlight, yet. And I'm pretty sure my green and hazel eyes was a shocker to these people. Seteth went to stand next to the man and Byleth stood a few steps in front of me. Lady Rhea, with those minty eyes that seemed to shower everything with compassion was the first to speak.

"How have you enjoyed being here so far, Gippal?"

Blushing and almost whispering, "I've really loved it, Lady Rhea. I don't know how to express my gratitude." This last part was true, yet I was also feeling undeserving because I hadn't been able to pick up anything or feel any relatability to what the monastery offered.

"I am glad. The people you see are our faculty, although we have some visiting professors from time to time." She gestured towards the lady, "This is Manuela. She is an expert in healing magic, medicine and holy abilities." That I did not expect. She then proceeded to introduce the man with gray hair, "This is Hanneman. A respected researcher of the science of crests. He is also respected in the communities of Warlocks and Mages in Fódlan." And finally, Seteth, "This is Seteth. Our strategist and tactician. Thankfully, we are in times of peace; however, skirmishes do tend to trouble our lands from time to time. He is the one that mobilizes our students strategically to engage those who disturb the quiet."

"The students," I asked, swallowing deep and beginning to tremble…I had to fight? "The students are mobilized?"

"Yes. It is part of the training to engage in these skirmishes to protect the people of Fódlan. That is why we also have intense training sessions in a variety of weapons. Byleth will be your guide in most of them, as he is proficient in every weapon."

"Oh…but, we haven't really made any progress with the weapons, Lady Rhea."

"Oh, child. Do not fret. Your talents may lie in being a medic. You have yet to be exposed with Manuela and Hanneman."

Seteth seemed eager to speak as he was twitching around and pacing his foot in the same place desperately, "Lady Rhea, if I may,"

"Yes?"

"I wholly disagree with admitting this child to the monastery. Based on Byleth's reports on this past week his value proves to be a burden to the other students and to the faculty. Furthermore, getting lost in the forest and putting his life in jeo-,"

"That is enough, Seteth," her expression changed, eyes holding a certain fire that was suppressed almost instantly. She seemed to be trying to relax her breathing before speaking. I noted this is as a possibility to the fact she might be those kinds of people—like the leaders of the mainland—that did not like to be defied in front of others. Still, I was disappointed in Byleth. I didn't expect him to be reporting on him to these people. Then again, what could I expect? I lowered my head so I could hide the hurt and the tears stinging my eyes.

"The child represents an opportunity for the others to grow and learn to protect those who are weak without forsaking their strength in battle. They must learn the value of helping those who are not their equals. And you forget that he holds a crest that we have never seen before. Do you wish to let go of the opportunity to study a crest undocumented and let those who wish to harm the land seize it?"

I'm…a political tool? I was to be used for the benefit of others and the people in power? This confusion and powerlessness…are this how summoners felt whenever they went on their pilgrimage in the mainland?

"I spoke out of place, Lady Rhea." Seteth bowed respectfully and remained quiet. "I'm sorry you had to witness that Gippal. Now, I want you to go with professor Hanneman to his office so he may begin examinations of your crest. I expect that you meet at least weekly with him to discuss any developments. Byleth reported that you can make ointments of a certain kind to ease suffering. You will be with Manuela everyday before dinner to practice healing arts and the brewing of concoctions. Perhaps your talents and affinities are not in combat but support. At midday, Hanneman will take you to the Golden Deer classroom so that you may join your classmates and formally begin an education here at Garreg Mach. This will be part of your daily duties unless there are skirmishes or other assignments to attend to." She stood still for a bit and then turned to Byleth.

"Byleth, please, explain to them that will have a new comrade joining them. I expect nothing but joy from their reactions to receive Gippal in their group."

"Yes." One-word responses are natural of him. Lady Rhea then proceeded to dismiss the meeting and Seteth retreated to another chamber within this chamber. Lady Rhea simply went to the balcony, perhaps that was her mindful workspace for everything. Professor Hanneman proceeded to walk towards the hallway and I followed. Byleth had left without anyone noticing. Manuela took after us, bantering with Hanneman with hypothesis of where I was born of what kind of crest, I held that caused my eyes to be weird and hair to be different from normal people. "Well, Hanneman, I await your musings of this boy in my office later today."

We weren't far off. His office was almost next and in front of hers. He gestured me to sit in a chair while he sat his desk. He crossed his hands and simply gazed in amazement at me.

"I have never had such an interesting specimen like you. I must say, you are even more peculiar than Byleth." I bet that this man loved to speak in monologues, because he simply murmured to himself—perhaps believing that I was not listening. "A green eye with a swirl leading into the pupil like a whirlpool to the depths and a hazel eye with the craters of a battlefield. Marvelous!"

He stood and positioned himself close to the center of the office where some sort of device was placed in the ground emitting a beautiful sheer purple light. "Come, boy. Extend your arm through this light. This will allow us to see the design of the crest that you hold." I walked over next to him and crossed my arm through the light. A funny ticklish sensation came awash it. I looked at him and then at the machine, waiting for something to happen and murmured, "Are we supposed to see something?"

"Hm. Odd, this is supposed to reveal your crest, yet nothing appears. Lady Rhea was insistent that you do have a crest, but if it's not here…then…you don't have a crest." He murmured to himself, then looked at me quizzically. "What was your talent again?"

"Uhm, well it's uh…controlling energy. Energizing and de-energizing." I scratched the back of my head with the other hand laughing nervously at the fact that perhaps I had no crest at all.

"I've never heard of such a power. However, it would be a mix between the dark magics and the healing arts. We have no experts in dark magic here. Hrm, this is most troubling. My designs have never failed me before."

Remembering what the girl from my dreams was telling me about it being sealed and that being the cause of my different colored eye, I mused the idea to him to see if convincing him that I did have a crest would save me from potential troubles with Lady Rhea, seeing as how she wanted to know more about it—and I not wanting to go back to Bikanel, "What if it's sealed professor?"

Astonished, he turned to a bookshelf and took out three huge books. Largest I've ever seen. He opened them and scouted the pages of interest as if by memory. Unknowingly, my hand drifted away from the light and into my side as I just stared blankly at him. I could see why Byleth was not much conversation—his companions seemed to be interest in their musings and not each other. "Ah yes, that is a possibility, young man. You are keener than I expected given your origin. We will have to draw blood from your limbs, abdomen and chest. We must find the location of where the crest is sealed in your body for us to study it. Come and sit. Take off your clothes and remain in your undergarments."

I did as instruct while he closed the door and opened drawers that revealed sharp knives like those used for cutting meat and muscle with objects that appeared to be tiny bottles. "This may sharply sting you. I need you to remain as calm as you can, young man. It is of utmost important that the blood we gather from be free of tainted responses to pain." I gulped as I finished undressing and sat in the chair closest to this desk which became the experimental table holding all the utensils. With the larges knife he sliced my forearms with an inch-long cut, following both thighs. He cut vertically above my belly button and horizontally above each nipple. I had managed to keep quiet, although I was wincing, trembling and having trouble focusing on my breathing. At times my body would jerk involuntarily as he cut through my skin and he would murmur to relax and focus on something else other than the knife. But how could I not look at that thing and the blood that just seems to desperately want out of my body!

Then, he organized the seven tiny bottles in his desk, and he began to glow a turquoise aura. In an instant, my blood also became wrapped in that same color and began to float towards the bottles. As he did that with an excited grin in his face, I felt him draw more blood out of my body until the bottles were full. Once done he closed them and labeled them. "Wait here, I will call for Manuela to treat the cuts. We can't have them getting infected." He stored the bottles in some sort of box next to his desk and left the office.

And I…well I wasn't feeling to good. I had begun to see blurry and it felt like he was taking forever. I stood and found it difficult for me to balance myself. Using the bookshelves as support, I walked to the door and into the hallway. Remembering that Manuela's office was on the other side and in the middle door I slowly walked but found it impossible to cross to the other side of the hallway. I had heard them discussing something about me and I saw that Lady Rhea's chamber was open. But everything was so blurry and

I heard a thud and it was all black.

* * *

"Boy! How foolish are you!? Letting them take your blood. Seriously!"

I opened my eyes and saw her over me. This woman from my dreams. She seemed to care for me. I groaned and found that I had no strength to speak.

"Lost your voice, eh? No matter. Your crest is not in your blood. I have been observing you closely since our last conversation. It's in your eye. Where a crest is sealed, it changes the body. Your eye probably changed as a result of that. If they figure that out, they will want to extract your eye! You can't let them do that. You must get him to light your face with that machine." Pacing rapidly across the blackness, the woman seemed to be preoccupied with something more important than the crest. Yet, how did she have the answer for that? Was she another aspect of me that cannot be manifested while I am awake?

She looked at me quizzically and sighed, "I was hoping for a conversation, but you are weak right now. Don't worry, they will discover your crest in due time. But it will not be that professor. It will be someone else. I will do what I can from here to hasten your awakening."

I don't know what I did, but her face changed completely. Turning paler than what she is and lead her to get closer to me, leaning down close to my face to murmur, "You don't want that."

I disagreed with my face. If this awakening thing is what would help me be useful in life, then I did want it.

"Oh! This is troublesome. You are different. There is something in you other than the crest. Or is it the crest itself? How can this be? Oh! I cannot imagine these things! Young man come back when you can speak. Not like this!"

The mantle of darkness fell.

* * *

"Ngh…" I groaned and shivered. Pain encased my whole body and I felt incapable of controlling my limbs.

A woman's voice echoed through the room, "stay still, I have administered a paralyzing ointment on your cuts to numb the pain. Although, you won't be able to move very much. Seriously, how did you let Hanneman cut you up so needlessly? Blood isn't used these days to study crest. That fool, sticking with the old methods, not knowing how your body would respond to magic." She seemed mad and sat next to me. "Although, it does give me something to do. It's been very quiet lately."

"Thank you." I murmured. "It's my job, boy. I've put your clothes on the edge of the bed with your boots."

"I need to go to class."

"You can forget about that. You've just had an unknown response to magic! What if you faint again? It was a scare you know. If something were to happen to you, Lady Rhea would not forgive us. She favors you like she favors Byleth." I managed to sit up straight, wincing at the pain on my upper body, but found it easier to move my legs. Although I imagined that if I stood my thighs would scream at me.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't know. Weird." Something was different. This was a fatigue not caused by exhaustion, nor did I feel particularly excited as I had this morning. I felt blank and empty. "Worried." I hadn't meant to say that, but I blurted it out and Manuela seemed to be in shock, "Worried? You have nothing to worry about. You will be fine! Stay here, I'll bring you some energizing tea so you can perk up and go to class." As she walked to leave her room she stopped and looked at me intently, "Make sure to tell Byleth to not overdo it. Forget it, you boys think you can handle everything. I'll tell him myself. It gives me an excuse to see him." She blushed as if saying something by mistake and left.

I was left to my own devices for a while, so I tried out standing and was right. My thighs did burn, but the act of walking just triggered a flaming pain all over my upper body. This is what my mother meant when she would blab that everything is connected.

I dressed slowly, regretting my desire to go to class. If I moved quickly, dizziness would overcome. Manuela came back complaining how she had to go to the dining hall to brew the tea. Although, she did not mind it because she spoke to Byleth. "Here drink this. I tried to sweeten it, but don't expect much. These energizing teas taste like mud."

She was right. As I lead the teacup to my lips and sipped, a strange wooden and earthly flavor overcame me and caused me to wince in disgust. She laughed heartily. "You know, I've never seen eyes like yours before. They're quite beautiful."

I blushed. I sipped the tea again, nervously and no longer shuddering at the taste. I looked down and then at her. She didn't seem to be waiting for a response, she simply grinned ear to ear. I can tell that she could understand that perhaps no one had told me that before.

We remained in silence until I finished the tea and mustered the strength to get up. I didn't feel any different—although the ointments she applied on my skin were probably to blame. Before leaving the room, I settled my gaze towards her,

"Thanks, Professor Manuela. I really appreciate your help…I don't know what to say."

I didn't give her a chance to respond. I didn't deserve this kind of treatment. People caring for me and treating me like I'm special. I'm not worth it at all. I'll only bring trouble like I've always been to my mother. Once I was at the area where the classrooms where I needed to find the one with Byleth in it—that would be the Golden Deer. The day had started to become gloomy and cloudy.

All the classrooms had their doors open, thankfully. It would save me from the embarrassment of knocking the doors to see if it was where I was assigned to. Rookie mistake not asking Byleth which classroom we were supposed to meet in. The first one did not have him and thankfully there was nobody looking outside. The one in the middle didn't have Byleth in it, but there was this commanding blonde guy that glanced and locked eyes with me. I wanted to die. I was hoping to not be seen. I quickly gulped and tried to walk a little faster, shuddering at the pain that my sudden movements caused.

That left the one that also had a view to the dorms and my room. That's when I noticed that overhead, they had some sort of flag and it had been obvious yet missed. Once I was in the vicinity of the Golden Deer classroom, I heard Byleth giving a lecture on the importance of moving as a team during skirmishes and not spreading out over the territory to minimize casualties. That was not useful advice in Bikanel, a sandworm could easily devour three or four people if they were huddled in close vicinity like he was suggestion. Well…they probably didn't have those here.

I peeked into the room and noticed that they were all listening intently to Byleth and I was surprised. In Bikanel, all of us were blondes. No one from the mainland would dare move to the deserted island of desert. And in the mainland people either had old wood brown colored hair, black hair, very few orange haired people, and a steel blue-grayish hair color, but most of the time you would see the brown. There wasn't much variety. But this, in one place you could see a young man with brown hair that spiraled into short spikes with a braid hanging close to his face, purple hair, messy-disheveled pale blonde hair that is definitely lighter than mine, a pale minty green hair, completely white hair, sapphire blue hair, pale pink hair, and fruity orange hair. I've never seen something like that! I didn't move until I noticed that Byleth realized that I was there at the edge of the classroom and motioned for me. To meet everyone.

I stood in front of the board, hands behind my buttocks and looking down to avoid eye contact with everyone and with my right foot on my left thigh (tree posing to see if I can find some strength through this pain!). I imagined that in their eyes, I looked like a fool.

Byleth gestured towards me and in his usual blank tone presented me, "This is Gippal. He is your new classmate and comrade."

I wanted to disappear or simply die off right there so I wouldn't have to socialize with anyone. So, they wouldn't discover how useless I am. In Bikanel I had, had friends. But…they left for the mainland because they excelled with mechanics and physical aptitude. I was left behind. Byleth motioned to me as if I should speak or say something, but I just stared blankly at the group. Everyone was different. Perhaps I could finally belong somewhere.

"Uhm…Hi, I uh, hope that I can contribute to our assignments." They just stared at me. The one with purple hair raised his voice and spoke like people in power, "Well I must say that you are most certainly a commoner! Where do you hail from? Do you have a crest?" I saw Byleth stare at him and he shuddered a bit, collecting himself.

"I'm from Bikanel Island in Spira." I murmured, recognizing that I wasn't just thinking out loud I looked outside to pretend that I was looking at them and raised my voice a bit. "It's a desert island to the west of the mainland. Uh…I don't know what my crest is yet. So," I cleared my voice, "I don't know what it does or what I can do."

Everyone just sat there a bit flabbergasted. They murmured among themselves and I couldn't really make out anything. Byleth pointed to an empty chair next to the girl with the sapphire blue hair and I walked to set next to her, wincing as the pain from the earlier experiment was starting to feel a bit more pronounced. Manuela's ointments were probably wearing off. Thankfully, it was the table closest to the classroom's door, so I was behind everyone and I felt a little invisible—which is what I wanted right now. Once I sat, I noticed that everyone, including the girl, had books on their tables and were writing with feather quills. I felt a bit stupid, not having anything like they did.

Byleth started resumed his class about weapon advantages and disadvantages—which I tuned out because I was not talented in any of the weapons, they could train me in. I looked to my right to the girl and noticed that she was also not paying attention or taking notes. Simply murmuring to herself some weird incantation or mantra. I scooted closer a bit to talk, "Hey, what's your name?"

"Uhm…" She blushed heavily and lowered her head down and I could listen that she was murmuring something about a goddess. Curious, I asked her, "Is your name after a goddess?"

"I'm sorry…no. Marianne." She turned away and continued, "please, don't talk to me. I…uhm…I'm sorry…but…I will only bring suffering into your life." I was confused—how could she bring suffering to me? In any case, I was the one that would bring suffering to her because of my being born an Al Bhed. At least that's why the mainland ostracized us to the sea hoping that we would die off. We shouldered the blame of the wars and the suffering that the world was going through the whole millennium because of that beast that flew through the sky. The historians all agreed that we were the ones that would hide him beneath the sands.

"Are you like me?" I asked, knowing well that she was not an Al Bhed, but perhaps there were races here in Fódlan that had these petty arguments and divisions. "Yes…I also have a crest."

I looked at her quizzically, but she would not notice, still turning her head away from me. "You know what it is?"

"I…can't tell you…it's a curse only I can bear. I must not speak of this…I'm sorry. Please, just…leave me alone. For your own good."

"Sorry," I don't know what to say. The first person I decide to talk to doesn't want to talk. I'm pretty sure that she is like me. Maybe she was sent away from her family here so she could be protected and find her utility for others. Maybe she feels useless and like a burden to the others. I eased myself into the chair, grinning a bit. I wasn't alone with my qualms or worries in this place. Perhaps there were others that could understand where I was coming from.

Byleth was still lecturing on weapons, and some students talked about the kinds of weapons they were most comfortable with and how that would place them at a disadvantage with other weapons. Then, Byleth emphasized the importance of complementing each other as a team, so that they could maximize the possibilities of a victory. I sighed, still thinking about how I could be of some contribution here in Garreg Mach.

Before class was dismissed, I quietly left the room, noticing Byleth gaze over to me. My body felt heavier than usual and with every motion I felt the pain throb like a separate heart in every incision. After walking down the stairs and heading into my room, I debated between being clothed or in undergarments so they could breath. I chose to be in undergarments feeling a bit of relief as cool air caressed me. I laid down in the bed staring at the ceiling and listening to the chirps of birds and rustling leaves. And the downpour that suddenly came.

"You can't leave like that." Byleth's voice resonated in my room. I straddled to sit in pain to see him sitting in the chair. I was surprised, "You left the door open," he said.

"I'm sorry. It…started to hurt." This was true, but I wasn't going to tell him how embarrassed I felt of myself for being there without being able to take notes or find any use in his lecture.

"Yes. I can imagine. Manuela told me. Lay down again." I did as instructed, feeling a tingling sensation in all my body as light emanated from my abdomen. I looked at Byleth and saw that a small golden circle was glowing in front of him as he gestured to me with his eyes closed. I looked at my body and saw that the incisions closed, and the light took the pain with it. I felt free to move again.

"There. There is no excuse to leave again."

"What was that?"

"Heal."

I had never experienced healing magics. In Bikanel we had no one adept enough in the arts to channel the energies into someone else. We relied on ointments and concoctions that took a while to work and restore the body. I turned to him, surprised, "thank you. Why haven't we tried this when you were exposing me to different things?"

"You have no affinity for magic."

I have no affinity for magic. I have no affinity for magic.

"I don't have an affinity for anything, then." I felt my body tighten, fists curl, and the necessity to protect myself from nothing. I hugged my legs and hid my face between my chest and knees. "Please leave." I listened intently, but I did not hear him move.

"Please leave." I raised my voice a bit. Met with silence. I yelled, "LEAVE!"

I felt him get up and take a few steps. "When your crest is discovered, we will know your affinities." He said before leaving and closing the door.

I merely collapsed sideways over the bed, sobbing and shaking vigorously. I wasn't sure if anyone would hear my wails and pained screams at my own futility and incapability of anything.

_I'm truly worthless._

_And this is a texture of sorrow I've never felt before._


End file.
